Monday, March 24

already waiting forever

Well, the cruise was great. Maybe I'll post some pictures of that in a bit. Right now (and for the last few days) I have just been overwhelmed with not-so-good-feelingness. We were expecting our homestudy report to be done a while back. It's still not done. This wouldn't be such a big deal if we were told it would take this long...but we weren't. We were assured we'd have it the following weekend. And then when we didn't have it a few days after that and hadn't heard anything I was nervous. Maybe I forgot something important and didn't realize it and she was just waiting for me. So when I contacted our social worker...after waiting a few days for a response we were given another deadline. But that was last Friday and it's already Monday and this just stinks.

I need the homestudy report so that I can mail in our CIS so we can get fingerprinted and approved so we can start the real waiting. Ha. The real waiting. We've been waiting forever. We waited to start the process until the job thing worked out. We waited to start again for the insurance thing to work out. We waited again for the money thing to work out. Now we're waiting for our social worker to work out. We're nowhere near the actual waiting list and I'm just feeling really whiny and you can see.

Sorry to be such a fusspot. I just needed to get it out to someone who would understand. In the words of Eeyore, "thanks for noticing."


Laurie said...

Nell Ann~

Oh I feel for you! It is as though the world is passing you by as other couples become new parents every day, here you are sitting and waiting once again. And the feeling that you have no control over it is the worse part! But I can assure you that God is here in the waiting. He will comfort you in little ways you least expect and hold you in your sorrow, anxiousness, and frustration. As you toss and turn at night dreaming of your little brown skinned baby, God is preparing your heart and life for becoming a Mom. A "paper pregnancy" is nothing like a physical one even if people try to say it is. Pregnant women get a due date- a future, tangible goal to look to when their wait will be over and they can look upon the face of their much anticipated child, prospective adoptive mommies just get a lot of extensions on their wait with no real end in sight! And we don't just wonder what our brand new baby will look like, we wonder and worry about what age they will be when they come home too! Because once you get that picture in your hot little hands, then you have to wait months to bring them home! Oh the agony!
My favorite thing to do to curb the cravings of waiting was retail therapy. I loved shopping for my little ones, even when I didn't know if they were boys or girls, babies or toddlers. Toothbrushes, stuffed animals, books, blankets, bibs...anything to tell myself this is real and it is really happening! I am praying for you in the wait, girl!

Cindy said...

I understand that completely!! We researched adoption for about 18 months. Waiting for the right home, children to be the right age. Making sure the vasectomy was working :)
We turned in our application 9/06 and then due to multiple homestudy issues and failures from many people (sheriffs office, FBI, homestudy agency) were not done with it for 8 months. All said and done we were at it about 3 years when we touched down home with Mihiret.
It is a wicked long haul...but worth it in the end.
Good Luck!!

Brian and Autumn said...

It is tough. I was feeling whiny and complainy too. We know God's timing is perfect and that He is sovereign yet that knowledge doesn't make it any easier for us to put the human nature aside and be patient. The whole journey is small baby steps and when each step takes longer than it is supposed too it's tough. It's hard watching the days tick by, thinking about our child, waiting on complete strangers who don't understand our excitment and sense of urgency, our readiness to be parents NOW. Unfortunately I have no advice for you because we are in the same boat (or at least a similar one!) but can assure you I am feeling the wait too!

Stacie said...

Girl - I'm feeling for you! Those of us in adoption-land know what it's like to wait - even before the real waiting begins! Right now we're waiting to get financially ready for another adoption (I know - shut up me - we're already home with one!). But, I wish I could start NOW. It's so true that it's worth it in the end. I hope that stinking homestudy is finished SOON! NOW!

Our journey said...

Nell Ann-
I have got the same issues. It seems like we have been waiting forever already and that is so difficult knowing that the "real" waiting (being on that magic list) has not even begun.

It seems a little easier that we are here for each other and can truly empathize with these feelings of helplessness and frustration. Comfort can be found in the fact that God is in control and His timing is perfect (although sometimes frustratingly long!).

I am glad you are back. You have been missed!


TedTracie said...

anything new? It's Tuesday... almost Wed. any word today?

Gurskes said...

Glad you are home. I'm sure the vaca was a nice breather from reality. The stressful dreaded paper chase reality. Take another deep breath, it will all work out in the end. Remeber that God has timing for these things whether we want it to happen know or not! It is out of our hands. He is specifically picking ALLLLL the timelines and the perfect child for you.

Have Faith my Friend,

Kellie & Marc said...

And I think it was Pooh that said "perhaps she had a little fluff between here ears"? Hope you get your home study back very soon. Fingers crossed...

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